A Loyal Captive
"As we stand at the edge of the world."
Tonight was the first time my sister and I have bonded in a good long while. We drank a couple beers, smoked a couple cigarettes, and shared some really deep thoughts. When she told me that I was lucky to be young and in love, I felt a twinge of guilt.
It took my sister saying that to make me realize that although things seem hard, complicated, and somewhat impossible right now, we haven’t run away from each other yet. Maybe, just maybe, we’ve lost the will to fight the odds against us. So now we’re stuck in limbo.
Sleep vs. No sleep
Positive vs. Negative
Smile vs. Cry
Fight vs. Flight
Win vs. Lose
I feel like I’ve been awake more than asleep, negative more than positive, crying more than smiling, fleeing more than fighting, and losing more than winning. So when I sit down to think about it, when will I get all the good things in life back. When will I finally get what I want without it seeming so wrong to those around me.
When will life get better? Easier? Maintainable?
Recycling Clothing Art by Guerra de la Paz
Sculptures Popping Out of Paintings by Shintaro Ohata
Underwater Photography by Zena Holloway
No matter how much or often I try to convince myself that nothing is wrong, I can’t run away anymore. The only question is, what do I do now?
I’m so tired, worn down, and broken from something that once rose me up above all those problems. I feel like I should just keep pushing on, but realization is setting in and turning away from the facts doesn’t seem like much of an option anymore. I’m gonna try to stop crying and get some rest because life doesn’t stop just because I want it to. If that was the case I would have stayed frozen months ago.
I don’t want to stay up and write sad poetry all night, so I’m gonna play my new video game for a little bit then hopefully get some sleep. I wonder if I’ll look back on my life someday and call myself a fool for staying up all night all because of my inability to control my emotions. It’ll be interesting.
Taking a memory of bliss.
Recalling only the best.
Keeping it near my chest.
Dreaming of our first kiss.
